- School Bullies named Chip/Biff/Ace/Chuck
Other names not included could include Brick, Stick, Rock, Mud, etc. Did their names really have to be as cartoonish as their “your face” jokes?
- Big collars
Think fluffy. Think like a giant, frilly bib. Think, perhaps, a medieval jester. Or Pennywise the clown.
- Fingerless gloves
The reason leg warmers were also such a huge 80’s trend must have been to compensate for everyone’s cold fingers.
- Stirrup pants
The only thing these pants “stir up” is the inexplicable desire to run away screaming.
- Materialism
Excess consumerism has only grown over the past 40 years thanks to sweatshops and websites like SHEIN. Don’t be a yuppie, support sustainability!
- Leotards over leggings
Unless you have an MTV Jazzercise workout to attend, avoid this at all costs. If, for whatever reason, you take the plunge, be prepared for an exercise ball, sweatbands and neon leg warmers to follow.
- Escalation of Tensions with Russia
On one hand we finally shook off the Kremlin in the 90’s, on the other hand we would like to keep it that way.
- Side ponytails
If even Jojo Siwa could leave these in the past, there’s no reason you can’t too. Or else karma might come get you…
- Devastating Ecological Disasters (Chernobyl/Exxon Valdez)
No explanation needed.
- Shoulder pads
Is your fashion guru Balthazar Bratt from Despicable Me 3? Do you strive to poke out eyes with your shoulders as you pass? Four decades is not nearly enough separation between us and these abominations. They are useful, however, if you find yourself falling from a tall building and need a crash pad.
